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Thursday, 6 August 2015

Are YOUR Weight Worries Holding You Back In Bed?

Tracey Cox reveals the three fears that are ruining women's sex lives (and why they shouldn't)

  • Sexpert Tracey Cox says women worry so much they can't enjoy sex
  • She says bad body image is ruining the experience for many women
  • But the sexpert reveals why there is really nothing to worry about

Sex is meant to be one of life's greatest pleasures.

So why do lots of women spend the whole time worrying rather than enjoying themselves?

Here are the top three things most women stress about in bed - and shouldn't.


Most women are paranoid about their bodies and it's not just our self-esteem which takes a miserable dive every time we succumb to obsessing about our muffin tops.
A bad body image has a direct effect on our ability to enjoy sex.
Numerous studies have shown body self-conscious women are more timid, less likely to initiate sex, try new positions or talk about their needs than women who are happy with their bodies.

But the reality is most men don't look at your bottom and think 'Dear God! Look at those Godawful lumps!', they think 'Let me get my hands on that!'.

Research continually shows that men in love are almost universally positive about their partner's body.

You see fat, he sees curves.

Sex is about what's happening on the inside not the outside. It's about feeling sensations, feeling connected and loved - and having orgasms.
Lying there stressing about how you look and feeling paranoid means none of the above is going to happen.


Reputable US research suggests 75 per cent of men always reach orgasm during sex while only 29 per cent of women do.
If that wasn't depressing enough, another comprehensive study (Elisabeth Lloyd, US) analysed more than 30 years of studies of female orgasm to conclude they're 'a happy accident' rather than a regular event that's guaranteed to happen.
Yet women still feel under incredible pressure to pretend they climax almost every time and are plagued with guilt and feeling 'not good enough/sexy enough' when it doesn't.
Men's orgasms are reliable and automatic; our are sporadic and dependent on a multitude of factors.

The mood we're in (fat/thin/bad hair/good hair/am I feeling desirable day), what's happening in our lives and relationships (he's being a b*****d again), the amount and type of foreplay and the amount we've drunk and eaten: all these factors affect whether or not we climax.
But - and it's a big one - more often than not, the main reason we don't orgasm is down to not enough foreplay, the wrong type, an ineffective foreplay technique or a terrible combination of all three.
Women have no need to be embarrassed if an orgasm doesn't happen - but if our partners are guilty of any of the above, perhaps they should be!

She adds that men and women have different types of desire that are more noticeable at certain times
She adds that men and women have different types of desire that are more noticeable at certain times

'They're all over you in the beginning but stop wanting it at all once you've been together for a while.'
How many times have we heard this one? (How many times will it be written in the comments section by men?)
The claim: women only seem to like sex at the beginning. Once the relationship is serious, we lose interest.
Some men think it means we're just not interested in sex at all. We fake it in the beginning until we've 'got him', then drop the act.

But there's a far less sinister, more plausible reason, according to research findings.
Men are more likely to feel 'spontaneous desire': they'll feel like sex before they start having it.

Women are more likely to feel 'reactive' desire: we might not feel like sex at the beginning but get aroused and enjoy sex once we start having it.
(Though, again, this will only happen if our partner's sexual technique is effective and enjoyable.)

Both sexes feel more spontaneous desire at the start of a relationship because that's when love and sex hormones flood our brains, as Mother Nature tries desperately to get us to have lots of sex to conceive.
Between nine and 18 months later, those hormones (necessarily) dry up and we fall back to our natural libido resting state.
This is when mismatched sex drives become apparent.
It's not women pretending to like sex to hook their men that causes a drop in desire.
It's to do with the different types of desire each gender experiences becoming more noticeable with time.

What also becomes apparent the longer you're together is that it's rare that both of you will feel like sex at the same time anyway.
If we were all a lot less hung up on sex having to be 'spontaneous', most people's sex lives would be in a much better state.
Put in the same 'spontaneous' planning you did at the start - plan nice things to do together, make sure you both look great, think up new things to try together in bed - and you might just find there's more than a flash of 'just-met-sex' in the next session.

A lower libido than your partner is also a common worry but Tracey says this is perfectly normal 



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