Are YOUR Weight Worries Holding You Back In Bed?

Tracey Cox reveals the three fears that are ruining women's sex lives (and why they shouldn't)

• Sexpert Tracey Cox says women worry so much they can't enjoy sex
• She says bad body image is ruining the experience for many women
• But the sexpert reveals why there is really nothing to worry about

Sex is meant to be one of life's greatest pleasures.

So why do lots of women spend the whole time worrying rather than enjoying themselves?

Here are the top three things most women stress about in bed - and shouldn't.

YOUR BODY

Most women are paranoid about their bodies and it's not just our self-esteem which takes a miserable dive every time we succumb to obsessing about our muffin tops.

A bad body image has a direct effect on our ability to enjoy sex.

Numerous studies have shown body self-conscious women are more timid, less likely to initiate sex, try new positions or talk about their needs than women who are happy with their bodies.

But the reality is most men don't look at your bottom and think 'Dear God! Look at those Godawful lumps!', they think 'Let me get my hands on that!'.

Research continually shows that men in love are almost universally positive about their partner's body.

You see fat, he sees curves.

Sex is about what's happening on the inside not the outside. It's about feeling sensations, feeling connected and loved - and having orgasms.

Lying there stressing about how you look and feeling paranoid means none of the above is going to happen.

NOT HAVING AN ORGASM EVERY SINGLE TIME 

Reputable US research suggests 75 per cent of men always reach orgasm during sex while only 29 per cent of women do.

If that wasn't depressing enough, another comprehensive study (Elisabeth Lloyd, US) analysed more than 30 years of studies of female orgasm to conclude they're 'a happy accident' rather than a regular event that's guaranteed to happen.

Yet women still feel under incredible pressure to pretend they climax almost every time and are plagued with guilt and feeling 'not good enough/sexy enough' when it doesn't.

Men's orgasms are reliable and automatic; our are sporadic and dependent on a multitude of factors.

The mood we're in (fat/thin/bad hair/good hair/am I feeling desirable day), what's happening in our lives and relationships (he's being a b*****d again), the amount and type of foreplay and the amount we've drunk and eaten: all these factors affect whether or not we climax.

But - and it's a big one - more often than not, the main reason we don't orgasm is down to not enough foreplay, the wrong type, an ineffective foreplay technique or a terrible combination of all three.

Women have no need to be embarrassed if an orgasm doesn't happen - but if our partners are guilty of any of the above, perhaps they should be!

+3

She adds that men and women have different types of desire that are more noticeable at certain times

NOT WANTING SEX AS MUCH AS HE DOES 

'They're all over you in the beginning but stop wanting it at all once you've been together for a while.'

How many times have we heard this one? (How many times will it be written in the comments section by men?)

The claim: women only seem to like sex at the beginning. Once the relationship is serious, we lose interest.

Some men think it means we're just not interested in sex at all. We fake it in the beginning until we've 'got him', then drop the act.

But there's a far less sinister, more plausible reason, according to research findings.

Men are more likely to feel 'spontaneous desire': they'll feel like sex before they start having it.

Women are more likely to feel 'reactive' desire: we might not feel like sex at the beginning but get aroused and enjoy sex once we start having it.

(Though, again, this will only happen if our partner's sexual technique is effective and enjoyable.)

Both sexes feel more spontaneous desire at the start of a relationship because that's when love and sex hormones flood our brains, as Mother Nature tries desperately to get us to have lots of sex to conceive.

Between nine and 18 months later, those hormones (necessarily) dry up and we fall back to our natural libido resting state.

This is when mismatched sex drives become apparent.

It's not women pretending to like sex to hook their men that causes a drop in desire.

It's to do with the different types of desire each gender experiences becoming more noticeable with time.

What also becomes apparent the longer you're together is that it's rare that both of you will feel like sex at the same time anyway.

If we were all a lot less hung up on sex having to be 'spontaneous', most people's sex lives would be in a much better state.

Put in the same 'spontaneous' planning you did at the start - plan nice things to do together, make sure you both look great, think up new things to try together in bed - and you might just find there's more than a flash of 'just-met-sex' in the next session.

Source: dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-3185738/Are-weight-worries-holding-bed-Tracey-Cox-reveals-three-fears-ruining-women-s-sex-lives-shouldn-t.html#ixzz3hwpTVTPj 

Ejaculation problems

Ejaculation problems, such as premature ejaculation, are common sexual problems in men.

The three main problems are:

• premature ejaculation 
• delayed ejaculation 
• retrograde ejaculation 

These are described in more detail below.

Premature ejaculation

Premature ejaculation is the most common ejaculation problem. It is where the male ejaculates too quickly during sexual intercourse.

Many men are unsure about how long ‘normal’ sex should last before ejaculation. A study looking at 500 couples from five different countries found the average time between a man putting his penis into his partner’s vagina and ejaculation was around five-and-a-half minutes.

However, it's up to the individual and his partner to decide whether or not they're happy with the time it takes for him to ejaculate. There is no definition of how long intercourse should last.

Occasional episodes of premature ejaculation are common and not a cause for concern. However, if you're finding that around half of your attempts to have intercourse result in premature ejaculation, it might help to get treatment.

Most men with this problem won't have always had it – they'll have previously ejaculated normally. This may be referred to as 'secondary' premature ejaculation.

It's less common for the man to have always experienced premature ejaculation (since becoming sexually active) – this is known as 'primary' or lifelong premature ejaculation. It affects around one in 50 men in England. In most cases of lifelong premature ejaculation:

• there is an inability to delay ejaculation during sex every time or most times
• the condition causes feelings of shame or frustration and impacts on quality of life, causing the man to avoid sexual intimacy

Delayed ejaculation

Delayed ejaculation (male orgasmic disorder) is classed as either:

• experiencing a significant delay before ejaculation is possible
• being unable to ejaculate at all even though the male wants to and his erection is normal

There is no set definition to describe ‘how long is too long’, but a persistent (and unwanted) delay of ejaculation that lasts for 30 to 60 minutes may suggest delayed ejaculation.

Alternatively, if you are unable to achieve ejaculation at least half the times you have sex, you may have delayed ejaculation.

As with premature ejaculation, delayed ejaculation can be either acquired or lifelong. Lifelong delayed ejaculation is less common and affects an estimated one in 1,000 men.

Delayed ejaculation can occur in all sexual situations, or just in certain situations – for example, you may be able to ejaculate normally when masturbating, but not during sex. When delayed ejaculation only happens in certain situations, there's usually a psychological cause.

Retrograde ejaculation

Retrograde ejaculation is a rarer type of ejaculation problem. It happens when sperm travels backwards and enters the bladder instead of coming out of the end of the urethra (the tube through which urine passes).

The main symptoms of retrograde ejaculation include:

• producing no semen, or only a small amount, during ejaculation
• producing cloudy urine (because of the semen in it) when you first go to the toilet after having sex

Men with retrograde ejaculation still experience the feeling of an orgasm and the condition does not pose a danger to health. However, it can affect the ability to father a child (read about infertility).

Treating ejaculation problems

Premature ejaculation can be treated with medication, such as the selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) type of antidepressant, which can help delay ejaculating.

Couples therapy, a form of counselling, can be useful in coming up with techniques for partners to practice to help delay ejaculation.

Recommended treatments for delayed ejaculation depend on the underlying cause. If it is thought to be a side effect of medication, switching to an alternative medication will help. However, if the cause is thought to be psychological, counselling may be recommended.

Most men do not require treatment for retrograde ejaculation because they are still able to enjoy a healthy sex life and the condition does not affect their health. In some cases, medication may be used to help restore normal ejaculation.

However, if you want to have children, you may need fertility treatment to extract a sample of sperm.  

What causes ejaculation problems?

Ejaculation problems are complex and can be caused by a number of things, including:

• stress
• relationship problems
• anxiety – such as a man being anxious that he will lose his erection (erectile dysfunction), causing him to ‘rush’ the intercourse
• previous traumatic sexual experiences
• depression
• some medical conditions or medicines – for example, diabetes can cause delayed ejaculation

Some researchers think certain men are more prone to premature ejaculation because of their biological make-up, such as having an unusually sensitive penis.

Retrograde ejaculation is caused by damage to nerves or muscles that surround the neck of the bladder (the point where the urethra connects to the bladder). This damage can often occur as a complication of prostate or bladder surgery.

Who is affected

Premature ejaculation is the most common type of ejaculation problem.

A number of surveys have found around one in three men reported being affected by premature ejaculation. The true figure is probably much higher as many men are reluctant to admit they have this problem.

While less common, delayed ejaculation is probably more of a problem then most people realise. One study found around one in 20 people had problems achieving an orgasm over the course of a month during the past year.

Although retrograde ejaculation is rare, it can be a common complication of some types of surgery, such as prostate surgery, or in men with certain health conditions that can damage the nerves, such as diabetes or multiple sclerosis.

Involve your partner

If you are having problems with your sex life and are seeking treatment, it is usually recommended you involve your partner as much as possible.

Communicating your concerns can often go a long way to helping to resolve them. And in some cases your partner may also have their own problems that are contributing towards problems with your sex life.

For example some women are unable to reach climax during ‘normal’ intercourse and require manual or oral stimulation.

3 Best Sex Positions For Back Pain

Talk about a mood killer: Up to 73% of women with lower-back pain report having less sex as a result of their discomfort. Good thing researchers at Waterloo University ID'd the best ache-relieving sex positions to keep the lovin' alive (no ice packs necessary).

Illustration by Ryan Todd

If your pain gets worse when you touch your toes or sit for long periods, try making love in a neutral spine position, supporting yourself on yourhands and knees (not your elbows).

Illustration by Ryan Todd

If arching your back or lying on your stomach hurts, try missionary with a pillow under your back so your spine is in as neutral a position as possible.

Illustration by Ryan Todd

A general note for all back-pain sufferers (men included): When you're controlling the motion, use your knees and hips (rather than your spine) to minimize potential discomfort.

Source:prevention.com/sex/better-sex/back-pain-during-sex

Sexercises: Workouts to Work You Up

You know all of the good-for-you arguments for becoming more physically active, but here’s an especially attractive reward: exercise can improve your sex life.

Being physically active helps you feel more interested in sex, gives you the energy and strength you need for enjoying your partner or yourself more, reduces the stress that can block sexual interest and builds the muscles used in sexual intimacy.

Research shows that exercise boosts women’s sexual arousal—even if they were experiencing low sexual desire before starting physical activity. That effect is strongest 15 minutes after exercising (a good reason to work out at home!).

These exercises can help increase your sexual interest and pleasure:

• Aerobic exercise of all types—brisk walking, dancing, bike riding, swimming, jogging—improves blood flow, which supports sexual arousal. It also increases lung capacity and cardiac endurance for sustaining sexual activities as long as you want.

• Do floor exercises to strengthen your flexibility and stamina. While lying on your back, try gentle pelvic arches, lower body lifts and thigh stretches. And don’t forget the importance of being able to support your body’s weight during sex. To get in shape for that, lie on the floor face down and do modified push-ups (keep lower leg bent on the mat or carpet).

• Kegel exercises strengthen the pelvic floor muscles and are known for improving urinary incontinence in women and men, but these exercises also may help women reach orgasm and increase sexual functioning. Go here and here to learn more about how to perform Kegel exercises.

• Pilates and yoga both build core muscles and so are likely to benefit sexual activity. Women have reported anecdotally that these methods have helped them. A 2010 study found that Pilates improved pelvic muscle strength as much as a pelvic floor muscle-training program in women with little or no functional problem. Recent yoga research determined that women enrolled in a 12-week yoga program significantly improved their sexual functions in all categories: desire, arousal, lubrication, orgasm, satisfaction and less pain.

Source: healthywomen.org/content/article/sexercises-workouts-work-you?context=ages-and-stages/18&context_title=